Love the iPod – hate the job

So every day it sets in more and more how much I hate my job. It’s been striking me how much the simple pleasures have been keeping me going. My iPod for instance – it’s not that I’m that materialistic, or that simply owning the iPod is bringing me joy, more the fact that I enjoy it’s user experience, and the manner in which it enables me to enjoy my music on the go. While I admit I’ve only had it for a day, I’m already very impressed with how easy it is to use, and how “transparent” it’s operation is. I’m really going to have to give it to my Mom when I go for the iPod mini as I think she would get a lot of use out of it.

I’ve been struggling with my job since shortly after I started. I don’t like the work, and think I have a lot more to offer the world than simply being a recruiter. I have a lot of projects that I want to devote more time to, charities that I want to help, and of course my photography. Most of the people I work with are money grubbing bastards who really don’t care about other people, or the repercussions of their actions long term for the rest of the world, or even themselves it seems.

Of late (since the beginning of the year really) I’ve been putting in a lot more effort at my job, and it’s helped a little bit. My performance is up, and I’m making more money because of it, but I still feel hollow inside. The hardest thing I do most days is wake up, put on my work clothes and drive in to Bellevue to spend the day despising myself.

Why don’t I quit I might ask myself? I’m not really sure… I guess there are a lot of things that go into it. For one I’m a pussy – I hate chances and I have a stable job right now so the idea of making a change terrifies me. Secondly I don’t like to think of myself as a quitter – I’ve never quit a job, and somehow I hope never to have to. Lastly I simply don’t know what I would do. It’s not for a lack of other opportunities in the job market, but given how much of a passion I’ve had for photography and a few other side projects I’m just not sure if another 9 to 5 job would make me any happier. I know the environment would probably be better, but would I really be happier? I would still have to spend 50% of my time focused on other projects, and probably would end up feeling the same way about the new job as I feel about my current one in less than 6 months.

So what am I going to do about it? I have no idea and that’s probably what’s bothering me most of all. Most likely I’ll keep doing it until either my photography picks up to the point of where I can do it full time or I crack – whichever comes first. I guess I’m doomed to be like 70% of all Americans and hate my job.